During this season my mind seems especially geared towards nostalgia and the past. While this may make sense, it also offers a unique perspective on previous paradigms — that is, I look back at who I was a year or more ago and sometimes feel poorly about where I presently stand. Right now, I feel this about my spiritual practice, which has for the most part fallen by the wayside over the last few years.
I know that our practices change, and I understand that often we must develop and shift our priorities in order to fit everything into our lives. Three years ago, most of my time was devoted to work, my practice, and my social life. I had so much time to devote to my practice because I prioritized it very, very highly. I currently work full-time, have a committed relationship, and (mostly) maintain a house. Although I think of my gods and ancestors often, I do not have the level of connection to Them that I had years ago — at least, I don’t connect with Them as frequently. And that makes me feel as though my relationship with Them is less than it was before.
It may be that we are less connected now, but I don’t think that the guilt that I hold here is productive. It does not seem to serve Them at any point that I feel greatly ashamed or unworthy (unless I have really earned it), and so I don’t know that the weight of guilt I’m feeling is really worth the anguish. I don’t think that what I’m feeling is really something that I should dwell on. Still, it is present, and I feel that I may grow from acknowledging it and respecting it before moving on. Here’s to re-prioritizing and moving forward with all things, including my practice. I really feel that I can improve things in this way.